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One of my closest friends, who happens to be a law student, is home for the holidays and called me up to go dress shopping today. I happily obliged, unaware of the dangers that awaited me on this quest.
This friend lives up on a hill in the woods, and has had a brood of chickens for a few years. The fresh eggs are delicious. What I did not know was that they recently acquired a rooster. When we got back to her place after shopping, the chickens were no longer in their coop, but free and wandering around the property as they often do. As we walked along the driveway to her front door, we both suddenly felt an ominous presence behind us. We turned around to see a pissed off rooster running straight for us at full speed, neck poofed out, and claws at the ready.
There’s no image because I was too scared for my life to fish my iPhone out of my purse. Just trust me, he was going in for the kill. Or at least a good ankle scratch.
My friend was alternating between running at it, shaking her arms and shopping bags wildly, and running away when she realized he wasn’t backing off. He was somehow fast enough to circle us and get us huddled in a small area. I was just screaming.
All of a sudden I hear her dad yell from the porch, “Just kick it! You have to kick it! C’mon stop being wimps. He needs to learn. KICK HIM!”
When we finally escaped and made it into the safety of her home, we watched from a window as the bastard swaggered over to his brood, all puffed up, and had violent three-second sex with one of the hens. Just to prove his point.
Yea that’s right. You cower while I eat my grain surrounded by my bitches. Human.
You can’t see it, because I took this picture as quickly as possible while running terrified to my car, but the contents of my friend’s CVS bag are scattered on the ground to the left. They fell during her attempt to out-alpha the rooster. They’ll probably remain there for a while.
P.S. Also, my friend is in the Army. So . . . yea.
P.P.S. This is not the first time I’ve been viciously attacked and chased by poultry. I’m not really sure what that says about me.
Ramblings of a Wannabe Drug Addict (i.e. lawyer?) 
So, don’t know you at all, but wanted to say that your blog seriously cracks me up. Like, laughing out loud at my desk while trying to write my paper. Not even exactly sure how I ended up on your blog (but that’s what procrastinating writing a 30page law paper will do to you). I’m also a 3L and can completely relate to nearly all of your posts, except this one…. about psycho roosters. Keep up the posts, and if you can help it, try to fail a few classes this semester so you can keep writing about law school experiences. On second thought, maybe don’t try to fail a few classes and keep up the blog while you’re working at a law firm (or whatever you decide to do after graduation), because I enjoy having someone else to relate to beside my own kooky law school friends (and let’s be honest, I pretend to not relate to them anyway).
Thanks for your hilarious blog!
Haha, I totally understand what you mean about pretending not to relate. Unfortunately, everyone at my school already knows I’m a freak, so that ship has sailed. Thanks so much for the compliment! I hope you keep reading, and I will definitely keep writing because better this than reading statute books.
Good luck on that paper! (A good trick, if this isn’t for publication, is to make your periods font size 13 instead of 12. It totally adds pages. Not that I’d would ever do such a thing).
To be fair: (1) i’m going to be a lawyer in the Army *fingers crossed 3 DAYS!!* (2) the rooster is very large; and (3)…no….nevermind… we were seriously defeated by a bird.
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