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1. Get overloaded with work and commitments

I will format those articles when I’m done memorizing my opening statement for the worst law school choice I’ve ever made: Trial Advocacy. NOW FUCK OFF!

2. Become out-of-control stressed and anti-social

Other people are too exhausting to bother with. So are putting on makeup and showers.

3. You are notified of some upcoming event (birthday, formal dance, St. Paddy’s Day).


I’m a part of the community, and people still invite me to things. Therefore it *isn’t* a problem that I haven’t left my bedroom in over 48 hours. Logic.

4. Spend a week talking yourself up to going.

5. Say to your friends on the night of, “I’m not sure I’m into going tonight. I’m so tired, and I’m just not sure I feel like dealing with crazy law school drunks and drama.” Force them to respond, “You’re already dressed and it’s gonna be fun. You’re coming.”

6. Pre-game with a drink or two. Get a little tipsy (your tolerance is down from weeks of sobriety – at least in terms of alcohol consumption. Your Ben & Jerry’s addiction doesn’t count). Think, “Oh yea. This is nice. I remember this.”

7. Drink more. Start drunk dialing and texting.

8. Drink more. Say things like, “Woooooo! Why don’t I do this every day?!” “You’re hot, let’s make-out.” And, “Hey Mr. Police officer, can I play with your stick? No no, the baton thing! What? Why not? A cop down in Florida let me and my girls do it once. You suck.”


9. Drink more. Lose ability to speak. Realize friends are taking sharp-ish objects away from you.

10. McDonald’s.

McDonald’s: Where law students go to break their all-natural, all-organic, meatless, carbless, 1000-calorie-a-day diets because they’re drunk and they can’t fucking resist anymore.