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Name & Addy of w/e person I can find on your website
to address this to because your posting did not make
it clear who exactly will be reviewing these things.
Thanks for this awesome start.

Hi. My name is Skyler Hall and other generic information about myself like my year and school and other shit you could’ve gotten by just glancing at the resume that I’m sure you’ll never read. I am really super interested in your firm and this position. As this cover letter will show, I’m awesome and so totally perfect for you! Also, the only difference between this cover letter and all of my others is the firm name. Oh, and here is the requisite line about how while I have never lived in, or even visited, the city in which your firm is located, it has always been my dream to relocate and settle down there. Seriously. Like, for real.

In this paragraph I will try really hard to show you all the things I’ve done that make me so ready for any legal position ever, while at the same time keeping it short enough so as to not be too ginormous of a paragraph and too braggy. If you’re a public interest organization I may mention my refugee parents as my inspiration in life. If not, I will definitely mention my position on a journal and how it has honed my blah blah blah, ass kissing and more bullshit. If you’re a litigation position I’m definitely going to have to mention some of the “practical” courses I’ve thankfully taken in law school because otherwise I am literally the least qualified person ever for you to be talking to. I’m not really that concerned about it though, because, as experience has shown, unless I actually know someone at your firm, the likelihood that you will ever even see this cover letter and the application materials attached is pretty much zero. I’m still hoping my school will decide to hire some of its own graduates to shadily boost its employment stats. Oh wait. They can’t do that anymore. Fuck my life.

I guess it’s time to wrap this steaming pile up. In conclusion, my skills are extremely applicable to your firm and gosh, it just sounds like a great opportunity for us to grow together! I would appreciate the opportunity to further discuss this in an interview. Please call me? Please? OMG PLEASE?!?! Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope my tossing of your salad was less generic and formulaic than everyone else’s.

Sincerely,

Skyler Hall

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Shout out to my friend Algy at Gentlemen Calling for helping to inspire this post. You’re awesome and I miss the shit out of you. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s single (ladies).

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