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Here is a list of things that are wrong with me (aside from the obvious):

1. Hives

I am sitting in a library study room, listening to a lecture and writing my notes like a good law student, when all of a sudden I broke out in hives from my chest down to my knees. Very very itchy hives. I am eating nothing new. I don’t think I’m inhaling anything odd. The only things touching me are my clothes. The hives are only on the front of my body.  Conclusion: I have physical proof that I’m allergic to BarBri.

Because I don’t study like this. Computer waves enhanced with Torts AMP questions are so dangerous.

2. Ringworm

Two weeks ago an itchy spot appeared on my shoulder. Then it grew. Then I went to the doctor and he pointed at me and yelled, “YOU’RE FUCKING GROSS!” Not really. He told me I have ringworm and shadily asked how I managed to catch a fungus usually associated with sweat and dirtiness (he knows just by looking at me that I don’t do sweaty things outside) and gave me a cream. Fast forward two weeks and it’s STILL FUCKING THERE, and bigger. So I return to the doctor and insist that it’s leprosy because I Googled it and there is one picture on page 3 where maybe the spots look similar to the spot I have and he refused to listen to me and just gave me the same cream but stronger because he wants me to die.

English: Main symptoms of malaria (See Wikiped...

I also helpfully suggested that it might be that flesh eating bacteria that’s been going around, and he suggested that I stop using the internet.

3. Carpal Tunnel

This is just on going. It’s awful.

Usually there’d be a picture here pertaining to body falling apart, and a vaguely witty caption, but I’m too tired and SO ITCHY!!

The good news though is that today I scheduled an appointment to have my teeth cleaned for next week because I’m like a year overdue, and I need to milk my parent’s killer health insurance before it’s too late. I’m also planning on doing an early eye appointment to get new contact lenses on their provider’s dime. So by next week I’ll just be whatever guts the killer bacteria left on my bones with clean, plaqueless teeth.