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I want to preface this post by saying that my mom is a great lady. She is brilliant (about most things), generous (materially speaking), and caring (in her way). I’m doing a really bad job of this.

OKAY. My mom is awesome. She totally loves us, but she just has this thing where she has absolutely zero filter, and when confronted with that fact will state definitively, “You’re my family. I’m supposed to be able to say what I really think to you. Whatever that may be.” In other words, growing up she was the kind of mom who told us we sucked at something and that we should move on. Not the unconditionally supportive kind.

English: Mother's Day card


Your writing’s sloppy, and the flower is amateur. Try math.

Since bar prep started she’s let a few gems loose that I decided to share because I’m pretty certain that most of us did not end up in law school or become lawyers by having parents who babied the shit out of us – so hopefully you all can relate. Even share your own if you have some.

1. The Night Before BarBri Started:

“I knew a few people who failed their first time. Really smart people who went to Georgetown with me.” *Pause* “You know JFK, Jr. failed it twice.”

2. On the phone during week two:

Mom: Nancy told me that Elana was calling her twice a day sobbing after the first week.

Me: Uh huh. Good thing I’m not really like that.

Mom: And Neda said that Milad was calling every person in the family on rotation just to freak out.

Me: Do you want me to freak out?

Mom: Well no, I’m just saying. You do realize people fail the bar, don’t you?

3. On my way out the door to my Sunday mani/pedi. My one big break to myself each week.

“Do you really have time for that?”

4. Leaving the house for a doctor’s appointment after having actually showered.

Mom: Wow. You look great. Stress really looks good on you.

Me: Ringworm, unexplained hives, and stress acne look good on me?

Mom: I guess law school has really lowered my standards.

5. Back from my daily “run” during which I merely jog a mile and walk a mile and a half just to get out of the house for a bit.

Mom: Shou? Khalas? (Arabic for, “What? That’s all?” or “Finished?”)

Me: Yep.

Mom: Well I guess something is better than nothing.

6. Overhearing My Crim Pro Lecture

“That all sounds like common sense.”

If I kill her, I’d definitely get mitigation for provocation.

There are more, but I think I’ve ragged on her enough. In the interest of fairness I should point out that every time she goes shopping (which is pretty much weekly) she brings me home a cute sundress. And during my months of being unemployed, whenever I expressed despondency over feeling like an embarrassing 20-something burden on my parents she would tell me, “Well that’s your own problem. We’re very proud of you.”