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This is probably incomprehensible and is definitely completely disorganized. These are my actual thoughts just jotted down. Sorry.

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1. Lecture

Hour 1: Oh haha, this guy is kind of funny. Maybe today’s won’t feel so long.

Hour 2: Yea right, another goddamned mnemonic device. There are more of these than freaking rules, and the only one I’m going to remember is that crazy property lady who sounded like Fran Drescher with a lisp telling me about Frank Sinatra and his popcorn preferences and singing “this is an easement appuurrrrrtenaaaant.”

Hour 3: Is there like some contest for who can be the craziest Bar lecturer? I get the hope that quirkiness is gonna help me remember, but what the hell guys? All I remember is the Agency guy’s puberty squeaks and that MPT guy’s sarcastic, “Gooood ideeeeaaaaaa?” But will someone tell me what he was trying to say wasn’t a good idea, because I DON’T REMEMBER.

“This is not going to be in shades of grey on the bar.” “What about fifty shades of grey?” Jesus I’m getting punchy.

Hour 3.5: Shut up shut up shut up shut up. END END END END. Wait, what did he just say? 30 second rewind.

P.S. I demand the right to a 30 second fast forward button.

2. AMPs: I do a few of these when my brain is kinda fried, and I need a “break.”

First round:

” . . . Which of these arguments is the least likely to succeed.”

“Hmmm, I have no fucking idea. I piiiiiiccccckkk . . . A”

YOU ARE CORRECT

“Why? Don’t care. Just memorize the answer”

This is me after doing a few rounds of questions in the same larger set:

Question: Blah, blah blah . . . permissible inference

Answers: Nope. Nope. Nope. ” . . . course of mail.” THAT ONE!

learning to ride a bike - _MG_2933

Flickr: sean dreilinger

AMP: the training wheels and helmet of BarBri. “I got one right! Weeeeeee!”

3. Interactive Paced Program

Maybe I should click the box to see how much my percentage will rise when I’m done. No no no, that’s cheating. No. You have to wait until you’re *finished.* Them’s the rules

OMG I get to check a box. I can’t wait to get to 15 percent.

Motherfucker! THIS IS BULLSHIT! That was totally a percentage of work!

4. When my favorite pen runs out of ink:

Crying child

Flickr: Creative Donkey

WHYYYYYYYYYYY????

Me: Daddy are you going to the store? Can you get me some pens.

Dad: Sure *starts to leave house*

Me: No no, wait. I need blue, ball point pens, with a rubber grip, and a clicky mechanism, and… Here wait hold on. Here’s a dried out pen that’s my favorite kind. Find these. Or, like, something similar.

*Dad stares at me*

Me: Please?

5. Essays

Essay Workshop Lecturer: Whenever I ask people one-on-one who failed the bar what they did to practice essay writing they always respond with “I would issue spot.” I know what that means. That means that they read the question, read the sample answer, and then patted themselves on the back for reading such a good response.

Who likes performance tests more--Aaron or Matt?

Flickr: t-dawg

Yep.

Oh yea, this one’s my best one yet. It’s great that I do these closed book. Aaaand *submit.*

Two hours later

BarBri: Your graded essay is ready to view.

BarBri Essay grader: YOU ARE AN IDIOT. YOU WILL FAIL THE BAR. CONFLATION. CONCLUSORY. DISORGANIZED. OTHER WORDS MEANING ‘YOU SUCK!’

A toddler girl crying

Wikipedia

5. MBE Multiple Choice Questions

Screw you. You scare me and I fail and you take way too goddamned long. Also, when I get an MBE question right for the wrong reasoning, it still counts as a win.

6. Miscellaneous

– How many days does it take before it stops being considered “a day off?”

– Just realized that I have exactly zero idea what is going on in the world. Any new crises? Are we still looking for Kony? Is Lilo still alive? IDK.

– Googled: Do lawyers have shorter lifespans? The responses said no. I call bullshit. I feel like I’m having a heart attack.

– Text from non-law school friend: Pub for trivia night tonight?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? No. No Pub. Don’t you think I *want* to be drinking and guessing at useless trivia instead of this? Did you not understand what studying for the bar means?! ARE YOU MOCKING ME?

My response: Awww I can’t! : ( But have fun!

– I *sniffle* can’t *sniffle* DOOO THIIISSSSSS

– Interesting. It now takes three sleeping pills and a boozy drink to fall asleep.

Bones is the perfect show for BarBri studying. No season long plot arcs and cliff hangers. Just self-contained episodes so I only feel compelled to watch one. Also:

Wikipedia

This.

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